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Finding Love and Fixing Love

My approach to couples therapy is based on an inspired and practical vision of what it takes to find - and create - a lasting, soulful relationship. 
 

Whether you're a young adult looking for love or trying out a new relationship, or you're married and in crisis, I can help you get clear about what works, what doesn't, and what you can do about it. 

Couples Counseling | Dating Strategy | Infidelity | Intimacy & Sexual Problems | Relationship Ambivalence

Relationship Counseling for Individuals and Couples

Real love for life demands self-awareness, compatibility and chemistry. Then there's that extra, spiritual something that says we're meant to be, and can last through anything.

 

Our relationships can make us very happy, or very miserable. When you're struggling with doubts, constant conflict and confusion about what to do, getting objective feedback can bring tremendous relief. 

You love(d) your partner deeply, but you wonder if it should feel this hard. Feeling hopeful one day and doomed the next is very common.

 

Where has the spark gone? Can we get it back? Were we ever meant to be, or should we part now and save ourselves years of grief and frustration?

Yes, I have helped many couples profoundly improve their marriage or relationship. I have also helped people part ways when it was called for, and become happier apart. Some couples love each other deeply and are highly compatible -- others, much less so. 

I offer compassionate relationship counseling for individuals and couples who need a safe, confidential space to explore their relationship problems.

Should I come in alone or with my partner?

Sometimes I counsel people individually, and later we have a few couples counseling sessions. There are many options but it really depends on your particular situation. 

 

Not sure if you should come in with your partner or separately? Give me a call at (732) 221-1954 and let's discuss your situation. 

A Smart and Effective Approach

I am an experienced clinical psychologist who is able to accurately assess the full picture of emotional and relational issues that are arising between two people. That accuracy is vital when you are trying to figure out what has happened to your marriage. 

When you're in constant conflict or a major crisis has erupted in your relationship, you need clear, experienced guidance. You need someone who can help you trust your feelings and to know what is true. 

Also, you need an objective third party who isn't afraid to challenge and confront the patterns. 

 

The truth is that I am fearless. I am not afraid to say the hard things that will make a difference. And I will do so in a humane, egoless way that makes you smile and say Thank you for that, Doc.

What you need is a psychologist who is -

Fair-minded toward you both. Compassionate, straightforward, and hopeful for your relationship -- but not delusional.

 

Someone who can assess personality disorders very quickly. Has a pragmatic, wholesome, working model of what a compatible, functioning relationship actually requires - and can provide practical advice for either fixing things or separating.

Someone who has special expertise in helping men sort themselves out. Someone who understands women pretty well too -- their experiences in marriage, their often conflicted feelings about motherhood, duty and freedom. 

Here's what you don't need

​A therapist who will play softball with one or both of you and string you along session after session, letting you argue and fight while providing no clear direction or challenge to either of you.

 

You don't need a therapist who is afraid to tell you (or your partner) that your words or behavior are toxic and will destroy the marriage if continued.

 

Seeing the truth can save you years of pain

If you're struggling to see the truth about your relationship - and also trying to figure out what to do about it - then I would be glad to help you. I will help you get realistic about your relationship and what to do about it. I have guided people through most every kind of relationship issue - to a better outcome and a happier life.

 

Here are some common issues I help people with.:

  • How to deal with conflict we keep having;

  • What makes a couple compatible enough for the long term;

  • The major red flags that make a relationship fail;

  • When it's time to end a relationship;

  • How can I approach dating in a more effective way;

  • How to get over a break-up or divorce.

A Question of Long-Term Compatibility

Our relationship problems show us exactly where our biggest opportunities for growth are. Sometimes the growth comes from staying committed to your relationship and learning new ways of relating more deeply and lovingly together. Sometimes it comes from having courage and compassion to leave a relationship that is not viable for the long-term. 

If you and your partner have enough compatibility and love for each other, I can help you shift your patterns and build a deeper and more lasting intimacy. 

On the other hand, sometimes I help my clients recognize that there is not enough compatibility and love to stay in the partnership. If that is the case for you, I can help you understand exactly what's not working and why it is not likely to change. 

Identifying Red Flags and Unwillingness to Grow

Working from a set of proven criteria for healthy and happy relationships, I can usually help you see the deeper truth about the relationship within a session or two. 

We can spend years trying to make the wrong relationship work -- and we can also wreck a good, solid marriage with an act of betrayal, addictive behaviors or lack of attention and affection.

 

Every relationship is unique. I will help you assess the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship, identify red flags and see if it can be improved or it's time to part.

Love Is Complicated

I know how much is at stake, and I understand that love is complicated. My aim is to quickly assess your history, your core conflicts and possible solutions.

 

I am here to help you find clarity. I will help you sort through the chaos and teach you the tools to create a great relationship. That involves uncovering what is most important to you, where you want to go, and what has been holding you back.

​Yes, both partners usually contribute to a problem, but I can help you figure out who's doing what, and how to change it for the better. 

If you'd like to explore what's going on in your relationship and what to do about it, please reach out and we'll schedule a session.

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Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.
Erich Fromm

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