The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.
- Carl Jung
We have an inner life and an outer life. The inner life is mainly concerned with developing awareness, love and wisdom. These qualities integrate the psyche, improve our relationships and allow us to express our authentic self in the world.
Whether you are a more introverted or extraverted person, in your 20s or 60s, I am here to help you unlock the treasure of your real self so that you can live your best life.
The main way I do this is by listening. When you are deeply listened to, you will learn to really hear yourself, to know what is true for you and what to do about it. This is true empowerment.
If you're ready to be heard, please get in touch today.
What is psychodyamic psychotherapy?
A psychotherapy of depth, insight, and relationship
creates lasting change, where other therapies provide only short-term benefits.
Psychodynamic psychology, often called "Depth psychololgy" is the theoretical framework that gave rise to the entire field of psychotherapy. It acknowledges that our inner development is shaped by multiple factors including,
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Early childhood bonding and family dynamics
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Personality traits, type, and temperament
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Primary relationships and attachment style
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Trauma, abuse, major life events
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Culture, religion, spiritual issues
Our ability to feel securely connected to others, tolerate stress, to feel and express our emotions, communicate effectively, take care of ourselves, and take action in our lives are all shaped by developmental factors.
This does not mean that our childhood and past events determine or control our entire life.
It means that we consider how unresolved issues from the past still shape the present.
It means that we can think about a person's present issues in terms of the capacities, skills, and attitudes they have developed over their lifetime.
By becoming more conscious of these issues we gain more freedom and empowerment in our present lives.
Personality Type
I know - you heard that all therapies work equally well -- that it just depends on whether you like your therapist. In my experience that's not true.
In recent decades, therapy has been greatly watered down. Our view of what healing means has been reduced to shallow, mainly cogntive formulas that do not create lasting transformation. Just "being heard" inside of a "safe space" does not heal everything or allow all the answers to arise within you like magic.
You may also have heard that cognitive-behavioral therapy is "evidence-based" and more effective than others. In my view this is a veritable scientific scam perpetrated on the public, similar to the debunked "chemical imbalance" theory of depression.
The fact is that traditional therapies of Insight, Depth, and Relationship are far more effective for creating the self-knowledge, relational attunement, and emotional resilience that improves lives.
Yes - there are many techniques that help with certain issues, but generally speaking, psychodynamic, depth therapy provides broader, humanistic, and robust clinical framework for working with complex human beings.
A psychodynamic, depth psychologist can use many different tools and techniques -- but their style of working will generally be more comprehensive and insight-oriented than therapists offering mainly cognitive work, or who claim to practice 10 different "therapy approaches" at once.
Time and again, my patients have said, "This work just feels different. I'm really getting to know myself."
A Psychotherapy of Depth, Insight, and Relationship
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Depth psychology also acknowledges that each person, regardless of past experiences, has a unique personality type. It is not enough to say that "Everyone is unique." We can identify several distinct personality types that shape a person's major traits and ways of perceiving life.
Introverted are markedly more quiet and reserved. Extraverts are far more social and outgoing.
Some people are more balanced, but most people show a dominant preference.
Thinking types are very abstract, intellectuallly focused, and emotionally reserved. They tend to be more focused on how things work and what is objectively true.
Feeling types are very expressive, empathetic, and passionate. They tend to be focused on understanding people and relationships.
Sensate types are very concrete, practical and down to earth -- focusing on "What is and how it works."
Intuitive types excel at seeing patterns and possibilities - perceiving "What can be and what it all means."
Of course, everyone engages in thinking, feeling, sensing and intuiting. But what makes us unique is which traits and skills are dominant in us. The personality differences between, say, a software engineer and a social worker; a politician and a poet; a real estate agent and a priest, are profound.
Finding Wholeness and Balance
Our diverse personality traits create predictable strengths and weaknesses. Our type not only describes our strongest tendencies and skills but also the blindspots we will tend to encounter and struggle with, especially when we reach midlife.
Up until the age of 40, or midlife, we will have spent most of our time expressing our most dominant personality traits and skills. We use these qualities to build our life. By the age of 40, we start to see how our less conscious areas and weaknesses are creating problems in our lives.
The well known midlife crisis is not only a confrontation with our mortality -- it is a confrontation with the parts of ourselves we have neglected, and the areas of life where we need some work.
A strong thinker must develop his emotional intelligence. An intuitive person must become more grounded and practical. A practical and concrete person must learn to be creative and go with the flow.
Becoming aware of our weaknesses and developing the neglected areas of our personality not only allows us to improve difficult aspects of our lives but also to experience a kind of spiritual renewal, or even rebirth, as we expand our experience of life and our deepest identity.
Depth psychology acknowledges our lifelong need for self-actualization and spiritual growth, in addition to healing neurotic patterns.
Problems ask us to become conscious
"In many cases in therapy the patient who has come to us has a story that is not told, and which as a rule no one knows of. To my mind, therapy only really begins after the investigation of that wholly personal story."
~ Carl Jung
Every problem we face in life is asking us to become more conscious. Our problems arise because of factors that we are not aware of, and which we do not understand.
Perhaps you're being asked to discover who you really are and how much better your life can be.
Depth psychology has a humanistic, positive vision of our life's journey. It views us as complex individuals who are in a lifelong process of learning and discovery. This view is inherently more spiritually and philosophically enriching. It is quite different from a merely medical view of therapy, which tends to view people as malfunctioning machines that just need the right medicine or formulaic technique to reduce symptoms.
This means that the main question for healing is not "How can I help this person feel less depressed?"
Rather it is, "How can I help this person become more conscious, insightful and empowered so that they outgrow their depression?"
Paying attention brings change
Psychotherapy is a process of paying deeper attention to your inner experience. Most importantly, that means paying attention to feelings of stress, sadness and frustration that you haven't been able to fully understand or express on your own.
I'm here to help you pay closer attention to your inner life. It is always emotional pain that gets our attention, and that usually means some form of anxiety, depression or conflict that seems to be getting worse.
Paying attention is a compassionate response to pain. From attention, comes understanding - and then positive change.
When we understand our thoughts, feelings and actions, we start to experience our innate sanity and well-being. New insights naturally bubble up, and healing happens. Our daily energy and attitude become more fresh and dynamic, full of optimism and courage rather than fear and doubt.
But to get to this place, there is inner work to do. To know who we are, where we are going and how to get there starts with exploring the more unconscious areas and blindspots in us.
A refreshing experience of therapy
The first session or two usually creates a new sense of hope and relief. In many cases, patients are relieved that someone has clearly understood their problem and pointed the way forward.
As therapy progresses, my aim will be to help you understand yourself better and improve your life in many ways. I do this by paying attention to where your opportunities for growth seem to be. I will often recommend books, new daily habits, or activities that I think might be helpful to you.
Therapy helps people know themselves better and think about their lives and relationships in more effective ways. When you feel supported and understood, you will feel more able to know what is right for you in your life.
An ally during difficult times
I am a strong ally for those who are in crisis, who need encouragement and who wish to find a deeper ground of strength and wisdom in their lives. My role is to help you explore what is most true, real and helpful for you.
Nothing pleases me more than seeing my clients' lives improve, and I will be honored to help you too. Just send me a message or give me a call to discuss your situation.
Any genuine philosophy leads to action and from action back again to wonder, to the enduring fact of mystery.
- Henry Miller
It is well known cliche that psychotherapists often ask about your feelings, or offer only abstract interpretations and never any practical advice. Unfortunately, some therapists fit that cliche.
Although therapy is not about telling people what to do, it can and does involve helping them figure out what to do, and how to live better. I regularly offer new ideas and habits that might help them grow or change a situation.
In my view, psychotherapy should never fixate only on feelings or analysis. I must also help you take action. I am therefore very attentive to your habits, interests, and lifestyle and how these relate to the growth that is needed in your life.
In his psychology of self-actualization, Carl Jung understood that we must look not only at past causes but also at the present attitudes and habits that are holding you back.
Therapy must always address the practical aspects of living, encouraging the patient to take new actions and meet the challenge of living a creative life.
Real love for life demands self-awareness, compatibility and chemistry. Then there's that extra, spiritual something that says we're meant to be, and can last through anything.
Our relationships can make us very happy, or very miserable. When you're struggling with doubts, constant conflict and confusion about what to do, getting objective feedback can bring tremendous relief.
You love(d) your partner deeply, but you wonder if it should feel this hard. Feeling hopeful one day and doomed the next is very common.
Where has the spark gone? Can we get it back? Were we ever meant to be, or should we part now and save ourselves years of grief and frustration?
Yes, I have helped many couples profoundly improve their marriage or relationship. I have also helped people part ways when it was called for, and become happier apart. Some couples love each other deeply and are highly compatible -- others, much less so.
I offer compassionate relationship counseling for individuals and couples who need a safe, confidential space to explore their relationship problems.
A Question of Long-Term Compatibility
Our relationship problems show us exactly where our biggest opportunities for growth are. Sometimes the growth comes from staying committed to your relationship and learning new ways of relating more deeply and lovingly together. Sometimes it comes from having courage and compassion to leave a relationship that is not viable for the long-term.
If you and your partner have enough compatibility and love for each other, I can help you shift your patterns and build a deeper and more lasting intimacy.
On the other hand, sometimes I help my clients recognize that there is not enough compatibility and love to stay in the partnership. If that is the case for you, I can help you understand exactly what's not working and why it is not likely to change.
Identifying Red Flags and Unwillingness to Grow
Working from a set of proven criteria for healthy and happy relationships, I can usually help you see the deeper truth about the relationship within a session or two.
We can spend years trying to make the wrong relationship work -- and we can also wreck a good, solid marriage with an act of betrayal, addictive behaviors or lack of attention and affection.
Every relationship is unique. I will help you assess the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship, identify red flags and see if it can be improved or it's time to part.
Love Is Complicated
I know how much is at stake, and I understand that love is complicated. My aim is to quickly assess your history, your core conflicts and possible solutions.
I am here to help you find clarity. I will help you sort through the chaos and teach you the tools to create a great relationship. That involves uncovering what is most important to you, where you want to go, and what has been holding you back.
Yes, both partners usually contribute to a problem, but I can help you figure out who's doing what, and how to change it for the better.
If you'd like to explore what's going on in your relationship and what to do about it, please reach out and we'll schedule a session.